Reclaiming My Power
Many of us truly don’t know what is going on with another person on a deep level most of the time. Heck! Many of us don’t even pay attention to what is going on with ourselves. Sometimes that is by personal choice and sometimes it is Universal choice for our own learning and self-growth. I have done a lot of work on myself over the years (a healing journey that I began to reclaim missing aspects of my lost soul and indeed my personal power) and have changed MUCH for the better. I feel that the Universe puts “blinders” on us sometimes and makes us stupid (even though we generally know better). This is usually done for our highest good to learn a lesson, for self-growth and awareness.
I think it was time to put some things/old beliefs and thoughts/concepts and more to the test for me last year. Yes, it all started back in early Spring of last year. My blinders were fitted nicely on me at that time and continued to stay on up to the end of 2013. They weren’t always on. Actually, at times, I had some of the most insightful, inspiring, intuitive awareness during this time frame. But when they were on, I could not see TRUTH, feel it or live it at times. I could not hear WISDOM (from myself or others). I would have that “something just isn’t quite right and I can’t put my finger on it” feeling. This was a “feeling” I experienced with people I came into contact with, life encounters I had, situations that presented themselves to me. Something was speaking to me, but I was brushing it to the side and ignoring it.
Our souls speak to us all the time. Yet, are we connected with them and listening? Are we paying attention to signs and patterns they are offering us? The longer you ignore your soul’s guidance and assistance, the louder she/he will get.
Last year, I found myself coming from a place of fear, of lack, not being good enough, not worthy, questioning many things that I was doing or thought to do, feeling weak, small and without purpose. Along the way, I had signs, insightful dreams, coincidences, synchronicities and LOTS of feelings all last year, but didn’t notice what was really going on. Yes, it went on for 9 months. I didn’t realize it till mid December last year (2013) and it hit me like a load of bricks. That smack was a break through! I had been giving my power away. It opened me up in such an immense way that I will always be grateful for the whole experience and build up of the transformation. Knowing what I know now, I would do it over again. That kind of life changing insight and awareness!
I lost touch with my soul’s guidance and wound up feeling lost, confused, disconnected, stressed out, lonely, and out of touch with the purpose and meaning of my life. I got so wrapped up in my head. I listened to others “suggestions and advice” too much and not myself/my soul. My own inner GPS was turned off.
“If you do not value who or what you are, you will seek to fill your emptiness from the outside world. All that you need is inside you. No one can know more about your path and purpose than you do, and the power you ascribe to external authorities eventually explodes in your face, leaving you even more defenceless and vulnerable,” writes Alan Cohen in his book, Taking Your Power Back.
We give away our power when we make an external agency – a person, situation, or event, more important than us. There’s nothing wrong in asking for opinions and gaining insight from others, but take it in, process it and see how it feels for YOU and your life. I thought that I had to be doing something. Making a difference. Creating a business. Putting myself out there. I was looking outside of myself. Now, don’t think that I went to the “dark side” or anything like that. It is not in me or who I am. I was existing, putting more worth into what other people said and trying to mimic it in my life and it just didn’t seem right to me. It didn’t flow. I lost passion in several things that usually brought me joy. I stopped taking care of myself in ways that were important to me. I stopped exercising consistently.
I called out to my Soul and the Universe for guidance many times, but it felt shadowed, murky and, at times, not even there, because I was calling out from fear. I know I was protected – I FELT it – but it didn’t seem like it. In hindsight, I know she (my soul) was there the whole time guiding me lovingly, allowing me my free will to experience what I needed for this growth and awareness.
“Whenever we feel lost, or insane, or afraid, all we have to do is ask for soul/ Divine help. The help might not come in the form we expected, or even thought we desired, but it will come, and we will recognize it by how we feel. In spite of everything, we will feel at peace.”
― Marianne Williamson
Our souls are on our side. On our team. Have our backs and always working for our highest good. This guidance shows itself in many different ways. My soul speaks to me through dreams, physical symptoms, gut instincts, synchronicity and several other ways as needed. It used to freak me out, but now I love it. I embrace it. A grand friendship.
Our souls love us and want to support us. To have freedom, peace, love, self-growth, joy, awareness and more about ourselves . They desire us to integrate and connect with our True Selves. Once those “blinders” were gone, I saw everything like a movie running through my head. It took me some time to process everything. I have been reclaiming and owning my power again. Reconnecting with my soul’s guidance was medicine for my soul and heart. She’s back loud and clear and I’m listening. It’s not something that is done once. We have to do again and again. It’s a lifetime practice. Start opening to your own innate, unadulterated, and “tailored-to-you” wisdom that is already within you. Make choices that are loving for YOURSELF and YOUR life—with your diet, your relationships, Your priorities, your desires and in speaking your loving truth from your heart. That all of it is in alignment for YOUR highest good. Not someone else’s. YOU know best!
My experience last year was a journey of descent. A journey and experience of “death of the ego”. A journey of soul renewal. Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT a victim here. My soul/self chose this on some level. It was kind of like having my memory stripped for awhile. In doing so, it was a great life lesson in awareness. I now make conscious decisions that are self-nurturing for ME, for my highest good, in alignment with Divine energy and Love. We all have the ability to choose, to change and grow.
For the process of reclaiming ones lost soul and power requires a complete change of mindset. It is a process where our beliefs and attitudes must be challenged and “called out” for the aspects that really are not our TRUE SELVES. A process which redefines and rewrites all our realities and expectations. I’ll be honest! Anyone who’s committed to this process knows full well just how hard that path is to walk and follow through with at times. For it is a path that breaks down, strips away all delusions (which are NEEDED) before it can be rebuilt and reconfigured for our energetic profile. The promising news is that once you’ve embarked upon this journey, truly great things unfold. Things that change us and our vibration forever. Even though something or someone can inspire you or teach you, in the end, the only way you will sustain a higher energy is to create it for yourself.
I don’t see ANY of these experiences last year as bad. Quite the contrary. They were blessings in disguise. I say THANK YOU to all the people that I encountered during this journey, all the experiences, all the situations. It helped me grow immensely. I have learned to be ME. Not what I think I should be. Not what others think I should be or expect of me. The freedom of releasing that thought/belief has been HUGE. It allows me to flow with life as it comes my way. I choose to live in the present – the NOW. I am more grounded and more centered. I know what is important to me, my life, my lifestyle and family.
“Usually, when we think of power, we think of external power. And we think of powerful people as those who have made it in the world. We think of their ability to manifest abundance, usually money, in the world. If power is seen as an internal matter, then the situation changes drastically. Internal power has less to do with money and worldly position, and more to do than with emotional expansiveness, spirituality and conscious living”…- Marianne Williamson
I have come to realize that the pain/sadness/loneliness that I felt at certain times was more about my own pain Within. The sufferings have been gifts for me to search for happiness and freedom WITHIN myself. Looking back in hindsight over the many years, some of my darkest times were the times that I was able to have the greatest connections with the LIGHT in my heart. Through painful life experiences, I have discovered what is most important to me and have found all the answers from WITHIN.
Difficult experiences, situations and challenges in life don’t equate to necessarily being “bad”. It’s how we perceive it. The experience of overcoming challenges – that includes the failures, disappointments and walls we come up against. These are the experiences that make us who we are. It makes our lives meaningful. So what if you messed up. You fell off the wagon with something. Don’t let it stop you from going forward again. Get up, brush yourself off and get back up on the horse. Now, you know better. You know which way to go next time that situation presents itself to you in life – and it will. For each time, we learn more, we grow more, we open our hearts more, and prioritize importance in our life. Our priorities are ever changing. Being open and flowing allows us to change with grace and ease. I’m not perfect at this, but I am learning and willing to do so. It is a beautiful and worthwhile journey. One I am proud and blessed to be able to delve into during this lifetime.
When I embrace an emotion, an experience or perceiving a past/current situation, I ask myself these two questions: “How is this supporting me? What is this situation teaching me?” By asking these questions with an open heart (not from fear), I am able to reach out for acceptance within and neutralize my own judgments and self judgment. The answers come in varying lessons and degrees from surrendering, letting go, having more compassion for myself and others, what direction to take, what is lacking, love myself more and to realize that some things “just don’t matter in the overall scheme of life”. To have more fun, to play more, forgive myself (and others), etc. It will vary for each person. I see these challenges, these “blinders” as blessings. For I never would have gone on those journeys to connect with myself/ my Soul/ my heart at such a deep level otherwise.
“It takes courage…to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”
― Marianne Williamson
So, “blinders”, “hiccups in life”, “challenges”, etc. are not BAD as we perceive them on some level in the mind. By seeing with different eyes and re-shifting the mind set, these situations/experiences are supportive methods/ measures to experience love and be more authentic who you TRULY are. By accepting this “support team” in your life, you can transform your “bad” experience/ situation/ moment/ feeling – into guidance, insight, blessings, awareness so that life becomes less stressful, less chaotic, less painful, less fearful and more fun, more peaceful, more fulfilling and you see your path more easily. I find myself more grounded and centered while living from my heart and connected to my Soul. Things, situations, and people don’t affect me so much when living from the heart. It takes practice. BELIEVE ME! It’s an ongoing stimulation of that muscle but gets easier and becomes more of YOU once integrated.
I love the line from the Rolling Stones song, You Can’t Always Get What You Want:
“You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need”
Life supports you and gives you what you need and is perfect for your growth. “Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. If we’re frantic, life will be frantic. If we’re peaceful, life will be peaceful. And so our goal in any situation becomes inner peace.” ― Marianne Williamson. It is how you choose to respond to it that is KEY to this equation. You can face situations with more grace for yourself. Freedom and happiness are not outside of you and are not your circumstances. It has to do with your level of connection with the TRUTH within your heart and with your Soul. Coming from your heart in a space of loving yourself, ANYTHING is possible.
One of the biggest things that came out of this experience for me was learning to HONOR MYSELF. Taking full and complete responsibility for ME. I have learned TO BE. To live in the NOW (not past or future). To simplify. To LIVE. Such freedom and peace have enveloped me. I have a lighter heart and mind set. I am able to take pleasure in things again. I am FREE to be ME. And you are free to be YOU.
I am back to exercising and enjoying it. My favorite form is walking. Especially out in nature amongst the trees where I feel grounded, centered and connected to Divine Source. I now feel connected to myself and my soul even in the simple things of life as washing dishes, folding laundry, walking the dogs, preparing food, driving the car (in traffic), and able to experience peace, contentment, and happiness. I CHOOSE how I want to respond to my life. All that it has to offer me.
A prayer or affirmation that I like to say sometimes to rekindle the connection or spark it in the first place:
I am increasingly aware of my Soul in my life. As I sleep, I will be attuned to her/his presence and responsive to her/his messages. I will be energized mentally and physically by her/his influence. My Soul connects me to the highest dimensions of inner or outer power for my highest good. I welcome and value the presence of my Soul in my life. Thank you!
Reclaiming our power is all about reconnecting with our inner self. The journey to reclaiming our power is about unconditional acceptance, both of the self and others. The process is a journey, not a destination….
Enjoy the ride, my friends!
May the POWER be within you!
Can you relate to this? Would love to hear from you and your insight.
Thank you all for your support, love, inspiration and patience reading this long post. ♥May the GREENS be with You! and Be Inspired! Kibby